There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
