Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
