I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
