I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
