she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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