I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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