her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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