not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
