I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize