ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
