My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
