i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
