i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
