I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
