if only i could text you this smell
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I want a musical about memes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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