Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
