I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize