Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
