Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
