she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
