our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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