I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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