OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
