I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what day is it and did you see me today?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
