So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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