1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
