Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
