I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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