I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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