The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize