i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
