Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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