i was born a porn star she said
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
