i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
