10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
