Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
