Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
