Me. At least after what I've been through.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
