Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
