she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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