is your mom at the bar?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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