when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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