It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
