Cold hands, warm shart.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
