I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
