she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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