Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
