Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
