I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
