Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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