I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize