Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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