Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And then he peed in my hair
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