Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
