I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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