I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
